Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

25Jun09

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen IMDB Link

Directed By: Michael Bay

Written By: Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox

Skip down to the ************* for the two-paragraph review.

I’ve had a general rule of thumb ever since I discovered my love for the celluloid: If critics hate a sci-fi/horror/action movie then chances are high that it will be awesome. Movies that I love not only for entertainment sake but also those that I admire for their craft such as Terminator 2, Starship Troopers, Army of Darkness and The Killer are all met with a wall of disdain, scoffs and phlem spit from critics.

What trash, what drivel, what tripe they all exclaim. Of course no one will ever agree on the merits of what constitutes good art versus bad art and I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the next coming of Citizen Kane. What I will say is that Michael Bay, a director who is hated by many and who I have a love/hate relationship with, has created the ultimate Michael Bay experience.

Here is a man who has an intense eye for framing, camera movement and obsessed with military might and destruction. It almost feels as if his whole career has been leading up to create Transformers: RotF, a movie so outrageous that it could be the pinnacle of Hollywood excess. You could debate if this is good or bad but the fact that it just happened is important. So much of art has to do with experiences, especially in film and I can’t think of one movie that feels anything like Transformers: RotF. The thing with Michael Bay is he is a unique artist and unique artists make unique pieces of art. No one can direct movies like Michael Bay can and no one can deliver Transformers the way Michael Bay just did. How Michael Bay can out Michael Bay himself after Transformers: RotF is beyond me.

Really it comes down to content. Most critics view sci-fi/horror/action as beneath them, genres for idiots that don’t explore other more “important” aspects of life including quiet moments of a dying cancer patient or how an orphan from Ireland learned to love her teddy bear. Something I admire about Transformers: RotF and what Bay has done, besides making a unique albeit brain numbing experience, is that there are no illusions as to what he was trying to accomplish. He rubs your face in the nerve-end sparking imagery of Megan Fox jiggling in slow-mo and robots shooting rockets at each-other with bits of metal and fire flying all over the place. So many other directors would have half-assed the experience trying their hardest to inject some amount of intellectual might into the frame like what we saw in Superman Returns. But in a counter sort of more intelligent move, Bay decided to relish in the ridiculousness of spending that much money on a movie based off a cartoon show that was created to sell toys.

Everything in Transformers: RotF is pure unadulterated subconscious and male desire driven to a point that you could look at it disparagingly on our society or understand that film is one of those outlets in which we can wallow in our filth of desires. What I can’t get over however is how simply this film is being brushed aside by many people in an attempt to somehow boost their own egos and intelligence when in fact the very act of shitting on the movie is perhaps dumber than the movie itself. Transformers is mindless sex and violence you say? What the fuck did you think you were going to get?  More importantly however is, did you think it was even possible to take sex and violence to the Olympian heights that Bay just did?

I would love, no I would relish with glee and a big fucking grin being able to give every single critic out there the reigns to Transformers: RotF. I would hand them the directors chair, the 300 million whatever dollar budget and say “make me a blockbuster” and watch them squirm and sweat trying their hardest to produce anything even close to visceral amalgamation of imagery and sound, the pure assault on your subconscious and senses that Michael Bay just created.

What they would create instead would be a laughable, hilarious and clumsy middle-school play action movie. It would be so atrocious on a simple movie making level that you would cringe in your seat not thinking about “Hey I wonder if Optimus knifes that decepticon in the face” but rather “dear god I hope the boom mic doesn’t pop in the shot because these guys have no idea how to make an action movie” It would be a joke, an utter fucking joke. Imagine the action sequences on a WB sci-fi tv show and then make it worse. That’s what it would be. You can even put scenes from Transformers: RotF next to recent big budget flicks like Wolverine and it makes them look like amateur hour. And while I shit on Wolverine for being dumb it was just more of the same kind of dumb. Transformers: RotF is such a beast of adrenaline and steroids of which I have never seen or thought capable of creating that it’s pure individualism makes it interesting to me.

But what does that matter if critics can’t direct? Of course they can’t create that’s why they are critics but they can still say the movie sucked dick. This is true and I’m in no way saying they are wrong because their qualms do have merit as all the classic elements of cinema are indeed poorly executed. I’ve just always been more interested in experiences and ideas and how critics of film can so easily brush off what Bay just created is confusing. Seriously, name me one movie not directed by Michael Bay that comes anywhere close to feeling like Transformers: RotF. In a strange twist, Michael Bay has taken the idea of what a summer movie is and exploded it with so many explosions that what he created is something unique and entertaining and that is what stands out to me the most.  There are so many movies these days that are formulaic and more of the same shit that I’ve seen before that when Bay comes along and creates something outrageous for even outrageous standards it strikes me as unique. Sometimes a movie doesn’t have to be a Wes Anderson indi-film rip off to be different. It also doesn’t hurt that giant robots duking it out is awesome to me.

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The best way I can describe Transformers: RotF is it’s like cake batter ice cream topped with some chopped nuts, a little bit of sprinkles, hot fudge, peanut butter cups and whipped cream. You won’t talk about it for hours on end dissecting the brilliance of sprinkles and you’ll feel dumb several times from brain freezes but you will remember that big giant sugary fun high you had and you’ll remember enjoying it.

That pile of sugary goodness might not be as good as dinner at a 300 dollar a plate obscure restaurant in east Manhattan with the best chef on the planet but fuck man, sugar and fun are well, fun and I’m not turning down that ice cream just to feel superior. “Fuck that delicious, sugary, oh so sugary ice cream with whipped cream and caramel and chocolate. Fuck it. Fuck a unique sugar high experience” is a phrase you will never hear me utter.

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